Crystal stood, over looking Genil as night settled her lovely blanket over it in one fell swoop, like a mother tucking in her children. The mountains that the city had grown out of were lower than the others near here, rolling hills covered in lush trees. From here they looked like soft ripples in the fabric that had been spread over them, gentle stars waking in sky, their eyes dewy from their day long slumber. The moon had risen now, a sharp crescent against the pitch black, looking as if the points could rip into the sky itself and let the stars pour down like diamonds on the landscape. Wind blew softly, gently singing the entire world into sleep, lulling the landscape into silence along with the wandering thoughts of a single woman viewing the city. Thoughts silenced, she merely gazed upon the land before her and thanked whoever had created it for it. The city loomed far into the distance, at least three miles wide despite the war having taken place. Its effects were visible now, burn marks on porcelain, but they were fading by the day, the week, the month, the year. Yet, they were still not gone.
You lay there broken and naked
Remembering the first night she had gazed upon the ruin of Genil was a memory almost too harsh for her to think of. The buildings that had been her sanctuary were merely kindling in the streets, the cobblestones themselves stained with the blood from the war. Though she had returned months too late to see the carnage itself, the after effects were more than enough for her to understand what had happened there. The pain in her peoples’ eyes, the accusatory glances cut her deeper than any flesh wound could have gone. She was unable to apologize, too desensitized, too inhumane, so she merely ran back to her home like a wounded mother bear, her children scattered along the country side. She’d been so sorry for so long until the healing process has begun and Genil had reopened its heart back to the Elder Council. Perhaps it had been the sight of Morrigan bleeding on the ground that had convinced them no matter what wrongs had happened in the past, they didn’t want to lose their own. They didn’t want to lose the smallest amount of normalcy they’d gained.
My love is just waiting
Crystal’s love for Genil had never faded but had merely been hidden because it was unwanted. The Elder’s castle had been reopened and they began receiving a flow of new arrivals almost immediately, confused by the war torn city as well as fearful of how they’d gotten to be in this place. She’d started just as she had always with each new person she met, by first listening to their story, then telling her own. Each new person here needed to know all that they could about this place to try to understand it, to try to love it. So many she’d seen reject what she’d told them, bitter and full of hate, and they’d wandered on to the next two cities with that mindset. Perhaps this was their own way of making a choice, of defining their own destiny. This second chance could be taken granted as well, could be turned into a vehicle of pain and suffering for its master. That aspect made her wonder if this was the Catholic “hell” she’d been taught when she’d been too young to understand life and death and its ways. Being doomed to repeat the mistakes that merely gnawed away at one’s soul bit by bit seemed like a version of hell to her.
To clothe you in crimson roses
The air had a hint of warmth to it as it traveled over the mountains in Genil and the smell made her remember Anarab, the place she’d attempted to disappear into before returning to her home. There, in the desert city, she’d merely been another woman in the crowd or so she’d thought. She should have known she could never just be another person and that she could never begin again, the same woman informing her of her place each time. Shi no Megami, the true love of the Fedafyr, the father of the child she, herself was carrying. Her stomach had grown so far in front of her in five months that it almost scared her, seeming big enough to now carry twins. This pregnancy had thrust her further into the world of these gods that seemed to inhabit this world. Seeing the genealogy recently had interested her, but anger had gotten the best of her in that situation as well. For some reason, the very presence of the demi-goddess was enough to make her temperature rise a few degrees and all of her rationality fly away directly. In all actuality, Shi had probably prevented her from making the biggest mistakes she could have possibly made. If she’d tried to go to Anarab or Nureese, the creatures there would have recognized her immediately and probably would have death both she and Eytan a quick death, though probably not painless.
I will be the one that's gonna find you.
Hands caressing her stomach, Crystal moved slowly away from the window. Her legs ached something fierce as she headed for the stairs, down to her office from the meeting room. She hadn’t the slightest idea why she hadn’t walked home already tonight. It was almost as if she was waiting for something, here in the darkness of her work. She was almost certain the other Elders that were there earlier in the day had already left for the night. Having gotten used to being alone in the building, the massive castle turned reception center had almost become a second home for her. Her restored office had paint covering the blood splattered walls that had been the final scene of her former assistant’s life, and new carpet that hid the ugly memories. And yet, some nights, they were still there and Crystal mourned the past. The girl hadn’t deserved her fate but she’d pleaded with her to leave time and time again before she disappeared. Maybe if Crystal had been there things would have been different. Or maybe you’d be dead too… Her mind reminded her to be thankful for living in a world where all of her friends were dead, gone, or hated her and she had but two things to live for.
I will be the one that's gonna guide you
Eytan and Genil. The two thoughts of the future kept her going from day to day and she adored them. The fact that Eytan would be a combination of both her traits and Fedafyr’s didn’t usually strike her mind in a way that lasted, what mattered was that this child would be a piece of her. She hadn’t known how much she had needed someone who loved her unconditionally and the thought of her own child immediately brought back thoughts of her long gone husband. It had been more than three hundred years since her previous life and though he was little more than a glimmer, Cameron Dinaia had truly led her to happiness in ways she couldn’t comprehend. Though the road had been strange to travel, the day she’d met Eytan’s father, she’d been tearing pages from a journal, attempting to destroy the ever clear memories of her lost lover. Cameron, the man that had argued for children for so long in the time that they were married, had led her to the happiness of having one within her. Eytan wasn’t of his flesh and blood but Crystal thanked his memory for the child as much as she thanked the unborn baby’s father.
My love is a burning, consuming fire
There wasn’t room enough in her heart to love anyone other than the baby growing inside her, thoughts of Fedafyr, Paris, and Cameron all fading into a warm comfortable thought rather than a raging passion as some of them had once been. She didn’t think of romantic love now, only of motherly, and little more than that mattered. Raising both Eytan and Genil would be difficult but she would devote herself to doing both, even if it run her ragged and she was merely steps from death. Her dedication to both would be unwavering but different. She would need to be there to hold her child when he needed her, to kiss scrapes and rub her nose against his. Genil would require the fierce side of her, strong eyes and a level voice as she spoke out to its people. Crystal would be required to show Eytan nothing more than pure love and Genil nothing more than pure rigidity and sometimes she questioned if she could do both at once. Did she honestly have the strength inside her?
No, you'll never be alone
The window from her office looked into the courtyard with the tree Genil had seen for decades upon centuries. Even after all of this time, they didn’t have a name for it nor did anyone try to classify it, but it had grown even more enormous, now brushing the second story windows of the castle. Light pink bark seemed to shimmer as white leaves grew thick on its branches. The Elder had seen many children and even adults crawl up into the branches, almost as mystified with the landmark as she was now. The moonlight glinted down on the pastel tree in the most amazing way, making it shine like a maze of jewels in their courtyard. This was the feeling in her stomach, the pride, the wonder, the joy, that had possessed her during Genil’s prime and somehow, as the leaves swayed slightly in the soft wind, a promise was dancing on the wind. The promise of the future, the promise of tomorrow and the next day - and then the next.
When darkness comes I'll light the night with stars
Genil would never again see another war as it had seen now, somehow it would protect itself this time. Secrets laid deep within the core of this castle once ransacked for them. They hadn’t been found, bound deeply in it in chains of magic and boxes of gold. The secrets themselves had washed the memories from the twelve who had seen them that night, the words that bound them all together. They hadn’t been strong enough to stay together then, but a new Elder council would be formed, replacing those lost in the war. Only those most worthy of the positions would gain them and this new group would protect this city until the end of time. Whatever kept Crystal going deep inside was the very memory of that night, when they had been told, terrified, crippled with fear that they would become a Council that would eventually rule the entire world. Had they believed it? Could they believe it now? The wind whispered a promise that caught Crystal’s soul and spoke to a part of her that could not hear words. The information hidden here would tell them what this world was and how to utilize the magic that loomed here to defeat the risen organizations in the other cities. Then again, destiny was never certain, was it? They could be given the weapons to fight the war and yet, blissful ignorance could prevent them from acting. At the same instant that the whispers surrounded Crystal, each of the other Elders could hear it if their souls wanted to receive it, though it wouldn’t reach their minds just yet.
Hear the whispers in the dark
"The white city fell without her. Peace revolved around her, but when the mother left her children, they destroyed one another... She'll never forget that she left--she'll wear the chains of the martyr as she pulls the world's weight behind her, still thinking she's not doing enough." Morrigan Aensland
Paul gazed upon the city of Genil. Bright green eyes looked upon the once resplandecent white city, eyes capable of penetrating the penumbra of the incoming night. A few miles away from the city, the red-haired warrior more commonly known as Pream gazed upon the city with both foreboding and longing. He had travelled the wilderness again, as he was prone to do, seeking solace in the solitude and the beauty that Nature provided him. That had been nearly five months ago.
What he had sought refuge from had been his thoughts, wandering around his mind like annoying flies zipping within his skull. Back in January, Crystal, the Genil Elder, had proposed to listen to his story, his true painful story, if he listened to hers. For the next few days he had thought seriously about it, finding himself surprised that a part of him wished to reveal his secret to someone who, to him, was still virtually a stranger. And yet, he felt as if he could trust her. After all, hadn't she proven herself in this capacity before? But he was terrified of what the consequences might be. Confused and worried he might do something stupid while being so close to temptation, he left Genil to try and arrange his thoughts.
I went away to order my thoughts and yet it took me this long to find out I was just running away from them.
Paul's eyes fixed on that tall white tower, the symbol of the city. It was like a beacon to him and he started walking towards the city. Having finally realised he had just been running away, he finally understood what he wanted most from Crystal: a friend, a best friend perhaps. Someone he could trust, someone he could be himself around. He had a scant few friends, true, but none knew even the half of him. The only one who had known, who he had revealed himself to, laid bare his heart to, had died in the war. He had fled the city because he had been afraid of being rejected, of letting his secrets out and have them turned against him.
Ironic that an excellent warrior capable of a coldness and practicality that would make the Genillians wary and distrustful, despite my own true feelings, should have such low self-esteem.
As he neared the city, he passed close to where he knew Crystal's house to be but his telepathy didn't detect anyone in it. He headed towards the city itself, his thoughts made up but that mix of emotions, fear, anxiety, longing, eagerness, making him feel sick in the stomach. He had made up his mind to try and take up on Crystal's offer. She had, at least he supposed, become a sort of friend to him, last they had met. But that had been nearly five months ago. Now, he didn't know if the offer was still on the table. He hoped so. There was something else he wanted to do but he knew that he definately needed Crystal's consent for it. If, that is, she managed to accept him for what he was.
He waded his way through the city's still ruined buildings, the streets in the process of rebuilding and the houses now once again occupied by people and their families, heading towards the only place he knew of where he might find the Elder: the palace. Reaching it, he thought of what to do. He could probably just ask if Crystal was within and if he could talk with her but he didn't really wish anyone to know he had been there, much less seen by the guards. So Paul engaged in a bit of advanced subterfuge.
Ducking into an alley, his nanites reached for the holo-emitter hidden within his shoulder. One moment a green-eyed, waist-length red-haired human wearing a white shirt, black pants, brown boots and a brown trenchcoat was standing there, the next it was what looked like one of the palace guards, armor and all. He entered the palace using his telepathy to confuse the guards enough to ignore his presence there. It might not have worked had he looked anything less than another palace guard but since he did look like one, he managed to enter without any alarm. He made his way carefully to the offices of the Elders, his telepathy carefully sensing out for anyone, especially other Elders perhaps still in the palace, as he looked for Crystal.
By the time he arrived at her door, he was his green-eyed, red-haired self again. He stood outside the door paralyzed by indecision, uneasiness and surprise. His telepathic abilities allowed him to 'feel' Crystal, or rather, her mind, but he felt another mind, almost within her. He knew what he was sensing and the surprise of it caused his eyebrows to raise a moment. Pregnancy. But he shook those thoughts and feelings aside. Now was the moment of truth. His face once again his usual emotionless mask, he knocked on her door, solidly but not loudly, and then opened the door. When he looked at her, swollen and glowing, a shy, uncertain smile came to his lips. His voice came out low and soft, betraying his fear.
Re: Whispers in the Dark
[Pssh. You're not intruding, I just hope you don't mind playing with ME! ]
Crystal’s eyes were closed as wind blew in the window of her office, causing the silky curtains to dance and shudder. She had started wearing down so easily lately, her body fighting to protect the child within her as well as to provide a habitat for him. Humans weren’t suited to carrying demon offspring, it was really his humanity that saved her from an even tougher time. Had Eytan somehow been a full demon within her body, his need for food and nutrients could have probably sucked her dry. As she relaxed, scooted back into her large, plush chair, the child inside her sensed the telepathy that another was using. Unknown to her aside from a slight stomach ache, eyes opened inside her body, a mystical green not unlike Paul’s. Her half-demon offspring was monitoring the source of the mental power carefully, ready to strike if the need was aroused. The bumping of a tree against the building bothered her for a moment but she disregarded it as the child within her examined Paul’s intentions, found them appropriate and broken the connection as his mother’s name was voiced.
The Elder’s eyes opened immediately as her door opened and she started the slightest bit, then let out a sigh of relief. Her face had gone white as she relived what must have been the last moments for someone else in this room in the same instant, the fear of the unknown entrant, the surprise of the door opening so suddenly after she mistakenly identified his knock as the large tree in the courtyard bumping against the building. Crystal smiled for a moment at Paul, beginning to rise from her chair before a look of uncertainty passed over her face. She moved back into her seat, her eyebrows bent in a small frown as she leaned forward in her chair, placing both elbows on her desk. Tall lamps were lit on either side of the room, each with a wide white collar below the light bulbs, making the glow warm, almost like the candle light she adored so much. The light cast shadows on her face and made her eyes look even more worried as she glanced wordlessly at the man she’d only met once. She had been told once that she trusted far to easily and by her meeting with Fedafyr, she knew this to be true. She had trusted the fox-demon as well the first time she’d met him.
“I don’t know if you should be here Paul. The Council has made it clear that no one associated with the Dark cities should be allowed into Genil.” Crystal bit her lip softly and rose, her stomach hindering her grace in a minor way, giving her more charm than usual. She was glowing, as most pregnant women are said to do, her skin slightly more flushed than usual, the apples of her cheeks light pink against porcelain. The changes were slight, in her, possible the most significant was the loss of the haunted look in her eyes. She knew her purpose now, or rather, had been given one in the strangest of ways. The Elder was no longer a wandering citizen of an anarchist city, she was a government official and a mother. Before, she’d had little to lose and so much to gain - the stakes were higher now. The air that seeped into her office was still peculiar, the whispers not quite silenced yet as they reached glowing fingers out to the twelve, whether they were in the ground or the bottom of a bottle. “I can’t betray Genil and welcome someone into their midst that could turn on us, my ideas have already done this once. I don’t blame myself for past mistakes, but I watch for them in the future.”
Crystal’s eyes were fierce in the dim room as she turned to Paul, the cerulean of her irises almost glowing. Her hands had somehow found their way to her back and she pressed on it slightly, easing the ache there for a moment. She finally felt her true age, each day of the centuries past coming back to bite her in the ass and delve into her mind. How could she still be uncertain about anyone after all this time? Why didn’t people come with an indicator that declared them good or bad? Then again, black and white was not an option, no matter how high the contrast was lifted up, a gray could always be seen if only by the human eye, created by the mind even though science declared it wasn’t there. Her gaze softened as she moved to the front of her desk and propped up against it, sitting on the edge of it slightly. He didn’t look vicious nor malicious, no sense of malevolence came from the man who stood in front of her. Rather, his expression looked like a lost nephew who had just realized his aunt had grown very large and round all of a sudden. The black and white was consumed in gray as she pushed her hair back from her face and smiled her smile, her face lighting up as she glanced down at her stomach. “I suppose I have to truly know you before I can consider you a threat or an ally. Let's talk before I even try to judge. It’s been a while since the last time we’ve seen one another, hasn’t it? As you can see, Genil is expecting.”
"The white city fell without her. Peace revolved around her, but when the mother left her children, they destroyed one another... She'll never forget that she left--she'll wear the chains of the martyr as she pulls the world's weight behind her, still thinking she's not doing enough." Morrigan Aensland
Re: Whispers in the Dark
At Crystal's words, Paul's demeanour changed. One moment he was there with a slight smile on his face and being slightly nervous, the next that was wiped out and was replaced with emptyness. Not his usual lack of emotion but emptyness as he was purposefully hiding away behind a blank mask. He cared what Crystal thought of him and her words had brought a measure of hurt to him, though he understood her logic, however rash and unfair her judgement of him was. He had as much a connection to the Dark Cities as he had to Genil, probably even less. He took a deep breath to steady himself and focus his thoughts and control his emotions. He hated being this uncertain, so pathetically fearful of someone else's actions, because it wouldn't be his body they could harm, but his psyche, his feelings.
And yet, despite himself, his lips curved up into a slight smile again, half-bitter, half-shy when Crystal spoke again, showing her wonderful smile. He nodded at her mutely before speaking again, his tone of voice still soft-spoken with no particular emotion behind it, "Yes, it has been a few months. Congratulations. I've spent most the time exploring around as I tend to do, travelling through the Shilendel mountain range. I find it more soothing than a city and I needed some time to think after last we met. I admit I didn't expect to take this long."
Paul looked around the office as he took a deep breath, thinking on what he was going to say, how he was going to say it. He started speaking, tentatively at first, "You... said you needed to know me before passing judgement on me. You might, or might not have, heard some rumours about me. I have a reputation in some circles. I'll start by telling you what I consider myself to be. I don't consider myself evil. In fact, I try to do the right thing so far as that fits in with the more... practical and I dare say ruthless aspect of myself. I have killed before, mostly without remorse or guilt. Sadness, yes. Remorse, no. Those who know of me, know I have a reputation for killing easily but they also know me as being something of a vengeful crusader. There's a reason for that. I have never killed anyone that didn't deserve it or didn't attack me first. I may show a... coldness, a lack of emotion sometimes, but I don't kill innocents or what I might term 'good' people. Think of me as a leopard," he smiled again, wider this time but a very bitter smile, "A leopard kills without conscience or remorse but it only kills for three reasons: to eat, to defend its territory or to defend itself and/or its cubs. I believe in being practical, Crystal, though I do have a code of honor and morals. In a sense, I am not much different than one of your Elders, Kentaro. At least I don't practice human sacrifices, or that of other sentient beings to a Goddess of Rage. Bad things happen to good people, as you well know, Crystal. I'm just one of those people who are willing to do bad things to the bad people, in order to help the good guys. And despite all this, I have as much an association with Nureese or Anarab as I do with Genil, probably even less than that," he said, his voice carrying a slight weight of anger with the last phrase. He had felt insulted, afterall.
He looked at Crystal, attempting to determine her reaction so far. He probably should have eased her into it but a part of him wanted to shock her as much as he could, to see if he thought she would be trustworthy or even capable of really trusting him. He continued speaking after just a short pause, his voice back to an empty tone, "And now you understand part of the reason I didn't think I could direct that idea of a new orphanage you and I had talked about. I'm not very sociable. I have been described as cold, emotionless. I have a reputation as something of a killer, though God forbid I ever kill any innocent, let alone a child. Funny... Children have always been able to so easily worm their way into my heart," he said, his eyes looking out the window as they started looking vacant, lost in memory. His voice started dropping to a soft tone again, almost a whisper, "It's the only real thing left of the man I was..."
He shook his head of the cobwebs of memory. He didn't want to go there until it was time. Focusing his attention back on Crystal, he continued speaking, licking his lips, "There is another reason, too, and it is part of why I came here today. Nearly five months ago, you proposed to tell me your story, if I told you mine. I realise it is not daylight any more but I wonder if your offer is still on the table."
Re: Whispers in the Dark
Crystal knew she had struck a cord in him as she’d spoken and it brought a measure of sadness to her as well. She’d spent many days bottling up her emotions for her own protection and she recognized that too, wondering if one day he’d explode as she had in the past. Her eyes stayed focused on the ground, her eye lashes looking as if they could hit her cheeks at any moment. A soft sigh escaped her lips as she listened to him, wishing she could block out the hints of death but knowing that it was a reality she would have to face eventually. Moving back to her chair behind her desk, she attempted to speak rationally again, but nothing came as she opened her mouth. Unable to say anything that could apologize for her prejudice, because she believed sincerely in it, she merely nodded and continued to listen. If he was willing to do bad things for good people, didn’t that mean he was still willing to do bad things? Could Genil afford to support such things? She didn’t know but her personal biases toward him conflicted with her knowledge of Nureese and Anarab, the Elder truly wished to be his friend but her position of responsibility prevented her from making such choices easily. Had she been acting only on her own behalf, things would have been different.
Glancing upward, she gazed at him as he asked if her offer was still open, and a sense of duty came back to her, despite his connection with the dark cities. It was her duty, her job to listen to the stories of those who arrived in this world and help them assimilate into a community setting. Everyone had to be given a chance to prove their alliances and she supposed the risk was low enough with Paul. Perhaps, one day, he would choose to reside in the White city alone and drop the threat of the darker cities. For his sake, she hoped he would. Few could reside in those cities without eventually succumbing to the darkness there. They would eventually all make a mistake and enjoy the surge of adrenaline that came along with it. It was simply the way things worked and she feared for him, for his soul still seemed clean despite his past. No one had a perfect past, nor perfect memories in this place. They were all haunted, and as Shi had said, they were all monsters here. But he was a monster with a soft spot for… children? Something didn’t click with that statement. A quill pen topped with a feather felt cold in her hand as she grasped it, then spoke gently, her voice as soothing as it had been to each of her new arrivals. “My ears are always open, my friend. Tell me everything you feel comfortable professing. ”
"The white city fell without her. Peace revolved around her, but when the mother left her children, they destroyed one another... She'll never forget that she left--she'll wear the chains of the martyr as she pulls the world's weight behind her, still thinking she's not doing enough." Morrigan Aensland
Re: Whispers in the Dark
Paul chuckled at Crystal's statement but it was a mirthless chuckle. As he had understood it, the offer between them had been that he would listen to her traumatic story, if he shared his with hers. In his mind, she should have started speaking first. He saw in her openness to hear his story as a way of delaying or even attempting to avoid fulfilling her deal. "Ah, but that's just it, isn't it? What I came here to do, or try to do, is to tell you the story I am NOT comfortable professing if you would tell me the story you are not comfortable professing."
He finally entered into the office proper, closing the door behind him and approached the Elder though he remained standing. The smile left by his chuckling was bitter and cynical and he avoided looking at the Elder. He wasn't sure he could keep his emotions away from his eyes right now nor was he sure what his emotions were. So many, so conflicting. This was why he preferred dealing with others on a more practical and detached level and why he preferred solitude to company.
"Very well, I'll start," he said, sighing and emphasizing the word 'start' as if leaving no doubt that she'd have to fulfill her end. "Like any other story, we'll start at the beginning. MY beginning. I was born back on Earth, which I think I don't need to describe to you," he emphasized that last word, putting into it the knowledge that he knew something of her past. Then his eyes started going vacant as he immersed himself in memories and his voice grew steadily full of emotion as feelings of sadness and longing for that simpler life welled up in him, "I had a fairly good life. My parents loved me, we were in a secure financial situation, no upheavals in my childhood and teenage years, well, no more so than normal. I went to university, having resolved to center myself in the area of medical research. Outside of my career interests, I had a girlfriend, friends, I fairly often volunteered to help out several organizations which helped children and, funds permitting, I donated money to a wildlife organization from time to time. I was like you once, or like you were once, believing, trusting in people, optimistic though not without my share of caution but definatelly far more sociable and trusting than I am now. I had my whole life planned. I was going to finish my degree, go into research, along the way find the woman for me, marry and have kids, something that I had always wanted since I was young and naive..."
"But that was before." He took a deep breath, schooling his emotions again. Only when he was sure his face was once again neutral did he look directly at Crystal. He remained silent for a while, scrutinizing her. "Forgive me, Crystal, but I'm not sure I can continue on, not without hearing your story first. Life has taught me bitter lessons for me to just open up so easily."
Re: Whispers in the Dark
Crystal looked down at her swollen belly for a moment and remembered what she had intended to tell Paul that night, the horror story which she hadn’t understood so clearly until a month before. Guilt swept through her for not being able to describe the events that had led up to that night five months ago, about the fox demon and other such creatures that had become regular appearances in her life. Her story? The story of Crystal Dinaia’s first life and death was one not quiet as mystical as her current situation and she smiled at the mention of Earth, a term that was meant to contain the planet she had once lived on. She wasn’t all together sure that this wasn’t the same type of place, but who knew exactly where they were. They didn’t yet have the technology to question it. “Before... Well, as I told you earlier this year, I was born Crystal Jameson many, many years ago. My father was an attorney turned Supreme Court judge and I followed in his footsteps, becoming a lawyer myself. I met a the man I married during my final year of high school and we were married during college, before I went into law school. The last conversation Cameron, my husband, and I ever had was an argument about children, strangely enough. I didn’t want to be pregnant at the same time he wanted to me and… It was something really stupid for me to do. I was so angry that night because, heh.. Well, I was just angry.” Her eyes glanced upward, examining Paul’s face.
She’d pushed down the memories of that night so far within, had tried to convince herself that she no long loved her first husband, but all of it was untrue. She still bore a strong love for the man who had held her as she died. “I was involved in a car accident less than a mile from home. It was raining, the road was slick and washed out… And I went over the edge, flipped until my car and body was crushed. Cameron was there for the last few moments and he’s the last memory I have of my former life. When I awoke, I was here. I… I was alone for what felt like an eternity, no other people around me. I though I was in Hell, you know, doomed to an eternity of your worst fear? Being alone nearly drove me insane until I heard another voice.” Crystal smiled softly as she thought of the first bewildered man she’d come across, Lumen, a long gone friend and member of the Council. She tried not to think of the implications of him not returning. “Lumen and I were the first two of the first twelve that arrived in this place. It was with us, the first twelve, the Elder Council that Genil and the government began. I can’t help but feel like somehow this second chance was destined. The world works in the only way it can.”
Crystal was quiet for a long moment as she thought of Cameron’s big hands and long arms, so simple and goofy looking sometimes. He’d been gorgeous to her from the very first moment she’d met him and he still was. Living in the past had never helped her before though, and she didn’t intend to live there now. Too much had happened for her to get stuck in the rut once again, she had to be strong in spirit even if she doubted herself. “And that is how I arrived here, terrifying and as mystical as it is. I still don’t know what this place is but I try not question it too much. There are some things I was meant not to understand and I accept that readily. When the time comes to know the secrets of the universe, I’ll know.”
"The white city fell without her. Peace revolved around her, but when the mother left her children, they destroyed one another... She'll never forget that she left--she'll wear the chains of the martyr as she pulls the world's weight behind her, still thinking she's not doing enough." Morrigan Aensland
Re: Whispers in the Dark
Paul listened to Crystal in silence, lending a sympathetic ear. He nodded every once in a while to let her know he was still listening intently. When she stopped speaking and remained quiet for a long moment he noticed she seemed lost in thought and allowed her the silence. He nodded to her one last time as she finished the story of her life and death. He didn't quite know what to say. His death hadn't really been traumatic. In truth, he wandered if he had really died and if he did, he had blacked out long before the moment.
"Heh, guess it's my turn again," he said, a weak, wry smile on his face. "I... Please keep this to yourself." He headed towards the window and stayed by it, his body facing Crystal but his head and eyes facing the window. At first, he was staring out the window, preparing himself for something he had told only once before. He took a deep breath and started speaking, his voice empty of any emotion, distancing himself from the emotions he knew he was bound to feel. No effect, psychologists would call it. "As I already said, I had a fairly good life. Then it all changed when I was twenty-one. To be short, I was abducted by aliens, believe it or not. Or to be more precise, I was abducted by members of a sentient species alien to Earth. They were scientists collecting specimens from several planets with life on them, including Earth. They were amoral beings, not caring even for the fact that they had kidnapped sapient beings. They cared only for their experiments."
He crossed his arms in front of him, one hand caressing slowly up and down his arm, a nervous gesture though his face remained expressionless. His eyes, however, started slowly filling with despair and fear. The fact that his reflection in the glass of the window might allow Crystal a glimpse of his true emotions didn't even occur to him.
"Each of the specimens they collected, they did... things to us all. I think I might have been the only human, I don't know. The bastards cared only to see what made us tick. And survive long enough for their goals. We were all subjected to several experiments, some quite painful, others mutilating and others lethal. I never really knew the meaning of pain until that hell started."
His breathing started getting quicker, he started gripping his own arms tighter and tigher until he had to close his eyes and take a few deep breaths. After a long moment of silence, he resumed talking, still in that empty voice, trying so hard not to surrrender to the hysteria in his mind, the despair and hopelessness and pain of his memories.
"I remember how they used their machines to immobilize me. They did several things to me. It's a bit... hazy, sometimes. I think they took out the flesh of my back at one point and cut off my nose and eyelids at another. Each time they finished their experiments on me, they put me in this kind of stasis pods, keeping me alive and frozen until the next time they came back to me for the next rotation of experiments. My life was reduced to going from pain and suffering to pain and suffering. I know that eventually having finished what they wished to do with me, my abductors sold me to other scientists, who did other experiments on me. The cycle continued for at least 300 Earth years, except that other scientists did different experiments on me. Diseases, genetic manipulation, adding genes from other species in me, either because they wished to see the effects, or trying to create some kind of supersoldier or just trying to see if they could improve on me. The pain and agony of the illnesses and transformatiosn were enormous..."
His hands were gripping his arms tightly again, his breathing rapid and his eyes wide. He had been dragged once again into his memories. Things he had not thought of in a few years were once again overwhelming him. Pain. Fear. No more! Needles. Please! Transformation. Agony. Let me go! Pain. Despair. Let me go home! Pain! Agony! Suffering! Despair! Hopelessness! Inhuman! Monster! Death! Let me die! He swayed suddenly and steadied himself on the windowsill. When his voice came again it was thick with emotion, specially bitterness, "Eventually I got lucky. What was happening to me was found out by the local authorithies of wherever I was and the experiments stopped. But by then I had long stopped being human, subject to several mutations, some of which quite severe and lethal. It was impossible to remove me from my stasis pod without killing me. So I was handed over to a race of advanced beings, the [I’lthirl’k], who helped put my more lethal mutations under control and helped in my healing process."
His breathing still quick, but under better control now, he gave Crystal the full view of his eyes, eyes filled with pain, despair and murdered hopes. His voice came out in almost a whisper but nearly hysterical, "But they won, those bastards won. Because of what they did to me I'm not human anymore. I couldn't really have my life back. In a way, I didn't even really survive what was done to me. I was no longer the man I once had been, all that was human in me stripped away. I'm a freak. I was turned into a freak because other beings cared more for their experiments than for the feelings and rights of another sapient being. Some even enjoyed my pain and suffering, the control they had over me but I understood that. What I didn't understand, what terrified me, was those who felt nothing and had no real motivation. They did it only because they could. No reason. No reason. No feelings of rage, anger, disdain or even curiosity. Some of them did it just because they could. Made me what I am, a monster. I can't look into a mirror with my face on it without being reminded of what happened to me." It had completely escaped his mind that Crystal might not quite understand how he wasn't human anymore, given that his holo-emitter was still projecting the human face he lived with.
"Do you know what it's like, Crystal, to be at the mercy of someone who doesn't care whether you suffer or not, who doesn't even consider you a being with feelings and emotions and family and friends. Who just thinks of you as just a thing, another toy for their entertainment until they get bored with it, with you and then get rid of you? Ironic, I might never have used lab mice in whatever research I might have ended up in in my previous life but I understood the need for them, so in a way I endorsed it, and then I ended up being the guinea pig, with masters uncaring that I suffered because of them."
He started laughing, the kind of laughter that was either laugh or cry and never stop. He laughed, never getting actually loud but not stopping, a tone of hysteria in his laughter, his eyes downcast on the floor.
Re: Whispers in the Dark
Crystal’s eyes widened and the pen that she’d been handling fell from her fingers as Paul spoke of the things that had happened to him. She was shocked, frozen even at the mention of otherworldly beings and her mind wished to close her off to that. So many things had become apparent in this world and even after three centuries she wasn’t always ready for the things she was told. These people who told their stories to her had come from far and wide, from worlds she’d heard of only in story books and had experienced that haunted under like she couldn’t have ever imagined. But Paul’s story struck closer to home because he had already hinted at being from a world much like hers in her former life, perhaps even the same place. She wanted to ask so many questions but they were better left unheard as she heard the sound of soft laughter from the man. Standing yet again, she could see the horror in his eyes and it hit something deep within her. The woman wanted to soothe as others had soothed her, to simply wash away the fear and doubt in his mind but she knew it wasn’t possible. She approached him and placed a hand on his shoulder, standing behind him slightly without being too close. His laughter scared her because she’d heard it so many times before from people with no hope and though her words were not stately, she tried to find them again, stumbling in places.
“I have seen men who consider themselves more human than you consider yourself who commit atrocities against each other with no regret. You think that your humanity has been stripped from you, but I can see nothing but that flowing from within you. I may not know much Paul, but I know that you’re not a freak merely because your heart holds nothing that I can find malicious.” Crystal watched her fingers on his shoulder and wished she could absorb the pain that still lingered within him. “I know the feeling of senseless captivity but without your past your present wouldn’t be possible. Though I am sorry that you were forced to feel as you were, I can’t help but be thankful that you arrived here.” Flashes of the tense moments stuck in the dark labyrinth of Fedafyr’s lair flowed through her mind for a moment before she cut them off, not wanting to cause her heartbeat to rise. Stress simply wasn’t good for the child because of his connection to her, their hearts beat together and she wouldn’t want him to suffer if it was something she could avoid. “I suppose the only question is ‘Where do we go from here?’”
"The white city fell without her. Peace revolved around her, but when the mother left her children, they destroyed one another... She'll never forget that she left--she'll wear the chains of the martyr as she pulls the world's weight behind her, still thinking she's not doing enough." Morrigan Aensland
Re: Whispers in the Dark
Paul's laughter stopped abruptly when Crystal laid her hand on his shoulder but he didn't tense. He just shut up, remaining in the same position without making a sound. He didn't give Crystal any indication whether he was listening to her or not, he just remained there, motionless, listless even. But despite his absence of reaction save the stopping of his laughter, he heard the Elder, paying attention to what she was saying. When she asked her question, he tensed up, suddenly seized with an irrational fear of the future, because he suddenly realised there was one more thing to show Crystal. His tension travelled all along his body, his real body not the illusion he was wearing. Crystal was lucky she was not in the path but was probably close enough to feel something feathery brush her face and body. He certainly had felt brushing her himself.
He turned abruptly to face Crystal, taking a few steps away from her and shaking his head almost violently. His voice held a slight tone of panic in it when he spoke, though it was mostly oddly calm and somewhat resigned, as if he'd surrendered to his fate, "No, you don't understand yet, not yet, not yet. This face is a farse, a pretty lie, both for others and for myself. See the truth, Crystal. See what I am. See what I have to live with." And with that, he sent a mental command to his nanites to deactivate the sophisticated device which created the human appearance he so often wore. Veils were unveiled, fogs were lifted, shells broken to show the core within. Thus he showed Crystal, as he had told her, something he had only shown, as he had told his story, to one other person in this world.
His true form.
His height remained unchanged, as did his hair, both length and colour, and the colour of his eyes. Everything else changed, even certain parts of his clothing to a certain extent. The right side of his shirt and trenchcoat at the back had a gash in it and from it a large wing arose as his disguise dissolved, an eagle's wing lay furled against his back before he slowly spread it, small black feathers covering the top of his wing, in the area where the actual muscle mass would be, hiding it, while the rest of his wing was composed of large white feathers. There was no left wing, though there was a slight lump showing through his clothing where the other wing should have come out of. Beneath his clothing was that mishapen malformed left wing of his, featherless and small. But those were not the only differences.
He had no human ears. Instead, his ears peaked out from his hair, from the sides of the top of his head, fully mobile and furry cat ears, leopard ears, with black fur where they should have but instead of either more black fur or a yellow tone as common in leopards, the black-and-white theme in the wings repeated itself here with white fur. His eyes, while they still possessed that vivid, bright green colour had now changed into the eyes a leopard would have. The shape of his face was slightly different too, slightly muzzle-like. His lips were thinner and black, though they were still there, his teeth were more pointed, sharper, his nose seemed to be slightly closer to his mouth, flatter and broader, more catlike, and though the tip of his nose remained pink, his face was covered with white fur and black fur in the shape of small dots around most of his face and curved markings around his eyes.
If his clothing wasn't in the way, Crystal would also probably notice his fur went down his throat and spread across his chest, though it veered to the right at heart-level, spreading further right and down until just a few inches beneath his right armpit, leaving the top-right side of his torso and his shoulder covered in white fur with black spots in the front and a mixture of spots and rosettes on his back while the rest of his torso was furless. The fur quickly grew sparse the further down his arm one went. With his clothing on, all that Crystal would be able to see of it was that his hand had a little more hair than usual, white hairs and black hairs, spreading to his palm which had a large roughened area of skin, like a pad. The tip of his fingers had pads as well and, without any fur, sheated claws were easily seen. His left arm was mostly normal, though from just beneath the elbow to his hand his skin had a sort of silvery sheen to it and his nails were actually silver-coloured straight claws, like something one would expect a dragon or a demon to have. Both his feet had cat-like pads and claws but looked mostly normal otherwise and was not something Crystal could notice with his boots on anyway. The only other item of note was a thick black-and-white leopard's tail attached to the point where his human tailbone would have been, reaching nearly to the ground in length.
He was looking really different now than just a few seconds ago and yet, he was still Paul. His appearance was more feral, more dangerous, leopard and something else, but his flattened ears, the nervous twitching of his tail, the mixture of emotions in his eyes and face, fear of being called a monster, hate for what had been done to him and what he was, sadness for all that, and more, all that was there, was Paul. He kept his hands carefully crossed in front of him but in full view, afraid to make any sudden moves. "Now do you see? How can I walk out there, be myself, especially after what happened with the war, with monsters and demons invading the city? I hate what was done to me, Crystal," he said in a voice filled with emotion which was now turning into hate, his hands reaching up to touch his face, feel it, cover it, "I can't look in the mirror with this face without remembering what was done to me. I hate myself, what I am. I'd scare the Genillians if they saw me like this, raw and exposed. They'd fear me, hate me, reject me. They are human and it's just human nature to fear that which you do no understand, which is different. I'm different and I'm still changing, still mutating. I'm scared of myself, of what I'm becoming." His voice had fallen to a low tone now, barely above a hush.
He lowered his hands in front of him and stared at them as if staring at something loathsome yet fearsome. "God knows I wished I could just truly shrug off all my emotions and not care about what I look like. But I do. And because I care and hate what I am, I fear others knowing what I really look like, knowing their reactions to... this! There, I said it," he swallowed dry, "I'm afraid," his eyes fixed once again on Crystal and this time there was just pain in them, "I wanted to take up on your offer of the orphanage, Crystal, I really wish I could. My experiences have taught me that being good and nice is, well, good and nice but sometimes you need brute force to preserve that. I think the Romans had a saying that went something like 'If you want peace, prepare for war'. But I also learned that you can't save everyone and that you're most likely a fool if you try. For the last few years that's all I've known, trying to make this world a better place if I was nearby and in a position to help without much trouble, unless I had somehow befriended them or children were in danger..."
He took a deep breath and let it out, closing his eyes. His eyes remained closed as he resumed talking. "I still believe that, though I admire you and the Elders, or most of you, despite that and all that has happened, still trying to do your best. So foolish. So selfless. So brave. The Elder Morrigan, despite being of such obvious 'demonic' origins but still helping, doing her best. You, the lynchpin of everything. I can't say I approve much of what Kentaro has been doing lately though but despite him... When I first came into this world, I thought that the only thing that kept Genil so pure was that those with more... shall we say, 'darkness' in them went to the other cities or elsewhere. But what I've heard of your actions changed that perception somewhat. I'm not wrong, I think, in that idea but your actions, your perseverance, those mattered, made a difference.
I've made a difference in some people's life, for the good, I hope, but for a long time now I wished I could make a bigger difference, one without bloodshed. Something to truly be proud of. When you proposed I run a new orphanage, it struck two chords in me, Crystal. I saw the chance to do what I wanted and help children in need. God! How I wish I could just take you up on your offer. But I can't. You've heard my history, seen what I am. How can someone who still can't cope with his past and with what he is, still lets that mess with the way he acts, that he must distance himself from his emotions, someone who looks so different, so weird, like something taken out of Frankenstein, take care of children, without scaring them, without drawing revulsion?"
As he looked at Crystal with eyes like a lost child, the fur beneath those eyes now lay wet with tears. He had kept it in so long. Crystal had touched him so deep, picked at the knot he was.
And now he lay revealed, undone.
Edited by: diasivo at: 7/6/07 3:40 pm
Re: Whispers in the Dark
Things were not as they seemed, Crystal realized as the man who had wandered into her life and formed a connection with her almost instantly. He’d always felt as if he was just a bit too antsy, never relaxing fully each time that she had seen him and as she touched something she had not previously seen, a texture unfamiliar to her, her curiosity was stronger than any other feeling that ebbed through her. The child kicked, once, twice, and she stiffened, then softened as he calmed down again. There was something about this baby’s abilities that she herself did not know, yet her body only felt his nervousness and her right hand rose to rest against her stomach. To soothe where words were not possible, almost willing him to be still and happy within her body. The tension was thick and she couldn’t say it didn’t affect her, but yet, her concern was deeper for Paul. It was almost as if he was teetering on the edge of delusion and she feared for him, for his safety from himself. She moved to face him fully as things about him began to change, beginning first with mere shapes she could make out in the dim light. It was foreign to her, almost as if things had always been there, yet, had been invisible to her eyes.
Crystal chewed on her lip as she tilted her head, watching the changes that were taking place, almost as if one being was shimmering into another right before her. It was as if the human-esque appearance was simply fading into something else. He was different and yet he was the same person, the same soul and heart and blood running through his veins. The Elder wasn’t judging, was merely examining with a light in her eyes that couldn’t be mistaken for anything but curiosity. Her gaze was piercing, as always, and to him it most likely looked as if she was trying to drink him in entirely, to absorb the true him. This was what she had wanted, to know him as he truly was, not him with a mask before him. After the longest while, she smiled softly and touched the tip of a furry ear cautiously, but not fearfully. She didn’t want to disturb his personal boundary when he stood so still it was not unlike his spine had been infused with iron.
If this world had taught Crystal Dinaia anything, it had taught her tolerance of other types of beings, of species. “Creature” was the word she wanted to use but the connotation was all wrong, it didn’t mean what she wanted it to. The people of this world were joining their lives, the generations becoming different mixtures of different breeds of different races. She’d seen things that she’d heard only of in fairy tales in this place and somehow, this made her wonder if perhaps reality was something stretched over many dimensions. Could the stories created in one person’s mind really be memories of an ancient time when all races consumed the same planet? She shook the thought away, this wasn’t the time for philosophy but she didn’t necessarily know what time it was time for.
He spoke, his words tiny explosions of an anguish all their own, of rejection and fear, feelings she knew all too well. The Elder did the only thing she could, she listened, looking up at him without interrupting the flow of his thoughts. For her to speak now would provide nothing but a roadblock to his words and though she wished to tell him that she had once felt the same way and often times did. Isolation was something that even the most normal looking people went through because society was a cruel system. If people were to interact on a one-on-one basis constantly, their meetings would be much different and more beneficial, but because humans and other races often flocked together, their thoughts became less and less humane and entirely animalistic. They formed a pack and executed the outsiders.
Crystal spoke, softly, her voice flowing with the slight traces of an accent of long ago of a place that no longer existed in the same way. “We are all outcasts, destined to follow a path that we least expect and can’t see for debris in the way. I, myself, have been shunned in my lifetime for things that I could not change then and would not change now. I bear the scars of my life on the inside, this skin is.. Is merely a wrap that prevents people from seeing them. We are the culmination of all of our life experiences and your body shows the things that haunt you and yet, they make you who you are. Forget who or what you used to be for now and look at yourself for who you are. Paul, you are not a monster. You are… Yourself. I’ve seen monsters in bodies that looked like mine, souls wrecked with hate and lacking compassion. You… You’re so much better than that and now I know that for certain.”
Unconscious of the motion, Crystal pushed her hair back from her face, moving to ease the ache in her feet as she spoke. As she began again, a soft bit of air escaped her, “Don’t be afraid and, God, don’t admire me. My own demons lurk not too far in the distance, Paul, biting me in the ass at every available moment, but that isn’t important right now. Children… They love because they’re loved first, returning the sentiment faithfully and without question. If your own fear, your own paranoia prevents you from opening up to them and giving them that first chance to prove themselves, Paul, you’ve missed out on the bigger picture. I missed out on the entire picture in my previous life and I know now that I have to tell you to place fear aside and eventually, it will disappear. Don’t let it consume you, please. Your soul is far too beautiful to lose to that dark place and you can help more people than you ever hurt. Maybe not now, maybe not even during this year, but one day I will open an orphanage and you Paul, you’ll return here and open your heart because that is what you and so many others deserve.”
Crystal drew closer to him as tears gathered at the corners of her eyes, making them look like sapphires under rolling water. Her hands came up in twin motions, softly, as she placed her thumbs softly under his eyes. With a single motion, she wiped the tears away that had gathered there as she whispered, “I’m so sorry they stole your life from you Paul, but don’t let them also take away the happiness of your future.”
"The white city fell without her. Peace revolved around her, but when the mother left her children, they destroyed one another... She'll never forget that she left--she'll wear the chains of the martyr as she pulls the world's weight behind her, still thinking she's not doing enough." Morrigan Aensland
Paul was originally tense, his body rock solid, but as Crystal spoke that tension started draining away slowly, though it was replaced with a shaking of his body, barely perceptible at first but slowly increasing as Crystal continued speaking. Her words were only half the reason, as one conversation didn't change one's point of view that easily and he thought of some of the things Crystal said as wishful thinking and sugar-coated delusions. But some of those words struck him and the emotions, the sincerity behind them remained in his mind.
The final drop was when Crystal wiped away his tears. It jerked him back to action with a sudden sob of relief. He staggered suddenly backwards towards the wall, not wanting to crush Crystal in her pregnant state, his knees literally gone with relief. His back against the wall, his large wing stretched as much as he could along it so that he could actually use it as support, he let himself slowly slide down the wall and end up sitting and looking down at the floor. His breathing was rapid as if he had run a marathon. Letting his emotions out like that had sapped at his strength greatly and he was feeling weak and tired. He needed to regain his strength and he was feeling a bit exposed to Crystal now, despite the fact that had been his intention. What he really wanted to do was just get up and go out the door but even in his state he knew that would be too rude. But he didn't want to talk about what had just happened, needing time to calm down and think things over, and staying there would increase the chances of that coming up. Plus, he had no clue where to steer the topic elsewhere.
I must look a mess...
Which is why what he said next appeared to come out of the blue. He looked up at Crystal, still feeling a bit too weak with relief to stand up just yet, and spoke suddenly, not wanting to give her any time to ask questions about how he was feeling because he had no answer for that. "When are you delivering? The baby, I mean."
Re: Whispers in the Dark
“Are you…?” Are you okay? “Do you…?” Do you need some help? Crystal tried to speak full sentences but was unable as she watched Paul sink down against her office wall. Words couldn’t fix what he was feeling and she wasn’t qualified to try. She stayed quiet, her hair falling over her shoulders as she gazed down at him, wanting to offer a hand upward, but not being sure she wouldn’t teeter over herself. Her heart rate was accelerated again, so she took a few deep breaths to settle herself down before he spoke again, the topic changing rapidly. The question threw her off for a moment, confusing the Elder as her mouth opened, then hung a little slack. She was unsure of what to say immediately, but caught up with a smile and a flurry of words as she seated herself at her desk, feeling a little uncomfortable towering over someone that usually was taller than her.
“I think that the little one will be along in September, at least by my calculations he will.” Little did his mother know, but Eytan would be there in less time than she had thought. She should have known by the size of her stomach that something was amiss, but the gestation period of demons was shorter than that of humans. It only made sense that the process would be faster because of his father’s origin. “I’m so excited about this. Out of all the things I’ve ever done, I think this will be my greatest accomplishment. I’m amazed and terrified at the same time and I often wonder how I’ll do it by myself, but I--..” Crystal hadn’t meant to let the last part slip and she cut it off, fading into silence instantly. She didn’t want people to think badly of her, or judge her actions or even child because of the things she said now. “But I.. But I’m excited.”
"The white city fell without her. Peace revolved around her, but when the mother left her children, they destroyed one another... She'll never forget that she left--she'll wear the chains of the martyr as she pulls the world's weight behind her, still thinking she's not doing enough." Morrigan Aensland
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