Thou shalt say something more profound for the second entry into the new Book of Truth; something which exceeds the profoundness of the first entry, and is very wordy and makes no sense and repeats what it is saying over and over and repeats what it is saying over and over and makes no sense. Repetition is redundant - thou shalt remember that as it has now been mentioned in both forms of the Books of Truth. - TVS
3.
Thou shalt also point out to The Vampire that his name TVS could also stand for The Vampire Slayer, as he, being exceedingly dense, did not realise this until the wee small hours yesterday; or was it today? Confused as usual. - TVS who shall henceforth be known as The Dense Vampire Slayer who shall henceforth be known as TDVS.
4.
Thou shallt fail spectacularly to revise for thy 50% exam in any way at all. - Bob.
Argh my cat, my cat, my cat
Argh my cat has gone kersplat
Now my fish will have nothing to squish
Argh my fish, my fish, my fish
Argh my fish has gone kersquish
Now my cat will have nothing to splat
Very odd poetry, courtesy of Seran.
4.
Verily shalt the Dense Vampire Succubus (eh?) and indeed all prophets observe that B.T.T.F which should by all rights stand for Back to the Future, shall be henceforth and for all time read as Buffy The Transvestite F*cker.
- The Author Of A.T.I.G
Argh my cat, my cat, my cat
Argh my cat has gone kersplat
Now my fish will have nothing to squish
Argh my fish, my fish, my fish
Argh my fish has gone kersquish
Now my cat will have nothing to splat
Very odd poetry, courtesy of Seran.
Re: 6.
Interviews shall be assigned to those who are worthy. And verily, this propet hath been deemed worthy. Huzzah. Or, in Latin, euge.
And verily, shalt the Vampire (unslayed) observe the rule that olde English only is to be used in these books.
- She Who Shall Be Hereby Known As Pedantic And Annoying
7.
Thou shalt spell The Vampire's name correctly! SCARABUS! And thou shalt give The Dense Vampire lessons in the use of olde englishe as he has no idea, being dense and wot-not. And some more words of wisdom - thou shalt start thine washing well in advance of the night before you are due to go away, as heavy items, such as denim (which I have much of) will not be dry in time! I also have all my ironing to do and would you look at the time! ARGH. - TDVS
8.
Thou shalt never iron!
Prophets caught in the act of ironing will be subject to the following punishments:
a. Death by spooning
b. Death by being blown up
c. Death by disembowelment
d. Endless exam taking (and if it doesn't kill you, you will want to die anyway - please choose from one of the above for the method by which you will be laid to rest)
e. 6 weeks in a shack with Britney Spears, Christina Aguilera and any other ugly, annoying minger who is having their 5 minutes of fame
f. Another punishment which will be decided by the guiltless prophets (suggestions on a post card...)
To sum up - thou shalt NOT IRON EVER AGAIN, thou shalt live in a world of creased clothes and it will henceforth be the prophetic fashion to wear rags. - TDVS
Edited by: vampirescarabus at: 3/6/03 12:42:50 am
Argh my cat, my cat, my cat
Argh my cat has gone kersplat
Now my fish will have nothing to squish
Argh my fish, my fish, my fish
Argh my fish has gone kersquish
Now my cat will have nothing to splat
Very odd poetry, courtesy of Seran.
12.
Thou shalt note that to TDVS (is that right?) the prospect of being stuck in a room with Briteny Spears etc wouldst not be considered a punishment but more a most worthy prize, for such is his appalling taste in music. Therefore thou shalt (after much careful consideration, remembering that he liketh all forms of music with the possible exception of garage, although maybe he liketh that too, I can't now remember) instead decree that all those who might in any way enjoy being locked up with Briteny etc shalt instead be locked up in a roomful of assorted politicians debating carrent affairs. For verily, shouldst that seem vaguely like a punishment for anyone, even those amongst us with an interest in politics.
14.
All business people are boring and evil and obsessed with money. - Bob who is wondering about the necessity of a lecture on Management when doing a degree in Physics.
Argh my cat, my cat, my cat
Argh my cat has gone kersplat
Now my fish will have nothing to squish
Argh my fish, my fish, my fish
Argh my fish has gone kersquish
Now my cat will have nothing to splat
Very odd poetry, courtesy of Seran.
15.
Thou shalt note; the fact that I like cheesy pop does not mean that I like the person or persons who produce the sounds which my ears enjoy. In facteth, I would be repulsed to have to spend 6 weeks entrapped in a shack with such annoying ugly mingers, it would simply drive me madeth and most probably lead to suicide. The idea of being locked up with politicians does worry me somewhat, but most of them are so boring that I would be able to ignore them and make my own fun. This would not be possible with annoying ugly mingers! Please also note that most politicians are homosexual, which suggests what I would be doing for 6 weeks. - TDVS.
15
Art thou honestly telling us that thou'd shag Portillo or Mandelson? - a random prophet of random randomness who's randomly signed in as the Author of All That Is Randomly Bloodstained.
Oh woe is me, Oh woe is me, I used to have a hamster tree. Oh woe is me, Oh woe is me, I used to have a hamster tree. But it was eaten by a newt, And now I have no cuddly fruit Oh woe is me, Oh woe is me, I used to have a hamster tree.
16.
Thou shouldst all hang thy heads in shame, for verily I am not the only one who hast buggered up the verse numbers - so far, my venerable prophets, we have had:
two 12s
two 15s
no 10
no 5.
So nyer. But verily, all hath worked out, for this randomly actually is the 16th Truth of this here Book.
And verily, shalt the Vampire seek further education on Ye Olde English by going to www.best1.net/~peasants/workshop.html and clicking on "General Elizabethan Language". Verily. Verilyverilyverily.
- She Who Shall Be Hereby Known As Seriously Disturbed By the Image Conjoured Up By the Author of All That Is Randomly Bloodstained (Michael Portillo?!)
"He did everything a mother would do: administer sedatives, tamper with my brain waves, force me into shock therapy and so forth." ~ A random website
Re: 15
Ooooh thou shalt correct She Who Shalt Be Known As I Forget What's grammar from several weeks ago. In the course of re-reading old Books of Truth shalt thou notice that one of her pedantic correcty things was, in fact, bollocks. For verily, she didst tell Bob that 'thine hair' was incorrect, when indeed it is not. In this context, the letter h doth behave like a vowel, eg an historian or an hemaphrodite. So thine hair is completely correct, for thine is to thy as an is to a.
Thou shalt feel vert smug for noticing that. - a random english student of random randomness
Edited by: ballet dancer of death at: 3/9/03 10:23:59 pm
18.
Firstly, all shalt wonder at the confusing miracle that ist verse numbers.
Secondly, all prophets shalt bow down before me, for verily did I finish editing Cressida (and complete Final Fantasy X, not that thou carest about that half as much as I do, and acutally it was really rather easy as I hadst been rediculously over-prepared for the final battle again. But verily didst the ending make me cry) TWO days before I must fly away to a distant land!
Thirdly, all shalt worship my father, for he fixeth all computer and internet problems with speed and grace and ist therefore the reason I get to send you the last 35 pages of Cressida before June.
- The Author Of All That Is Finished.
20.
Oh, worship John Best in the glory of holyness,
Bow down before him, his glories proclaim
With gold of obediance and incense of lowliness,
Kneel and adore him for John is his name! - Bob, who wrote this hymn all by himself ... honest.
Argh my cat, my cat, my cat
Argh my cat has gone kersplat
Now my fish will have nothing to squish
Argh my fish, my fish, my fish
Argh my fish has gone kersquish
Now my cat will have nothing to splat
Very odd poetry, courtesy of Seran.
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