One more addition to your club
Another lonely soul here. Today was an especially bad day, which is why I need some outlet to let steam.
I'm a loner but not by choice. I'm pretty friendly and get along with most people but I don't have a single friend. Everyone I meet becomes a very friendly acquaintance and it never goes further. It's been like this all my life, even since grade school. It's sad to say I've never even had a best friend. I've tried looking for friends online and can't find that even.
I finally found a friend half-year back, after a 6 year dry spell, and we used to hang out a lot. Fun times! But now this friend has got many new friends and doesn't need me anymore. We haven't hung out in 2 months. Everytime we set a date I'm blown off because something else comes up....I'm guessing the other friends! Today was the last straw. I guess i can't blame this person as they're from another country, and now has a lot of fellow-country friends. I'm an outsider as usual.
Now I'm miserable and upset because the one person I had is gone. It's horrible to feel there's nobody on earth who cares if you die tomorrow except your mother. Incidently, my mother phoned today but I was curt with her due to my bad mood So I pushed away the only person who cares which only makes me more depressed.
And that's not even the worst part. I had to meet with a project team outside our usual haunt to wrap up some work we had. Everyone kept getting calls from girlfriends, spouses, friends asking why they're late. I felt lonely, but the embarassing part came when they asked how come I'm not busy with weekend plans with friends or anyone. I had to fabricate this whole social life that doesn't exist and I said I'm going out later. I hate lying.
I'm feeling desperate and think I'm reaching breaking point. I've reached such a low today that I feel like doing something a little wild and dangerous just to break out of this shackles. Don't worry, I'm not going to kill myself though because that's just stupid.
How bad is it when you've stared at your tv for 4 hours straight and realize nothing you've watched registered? I might be going insane..........
Please don't feel so bad...you're not alone. I've had the same problem with only having aquaintances...it's some social phobia thing, even though I feel like everyone else. I'm a pretty normal person, but I can't ever make friends to hang out with. It's always just "hi, how are you?" So you're not the only one! Don't do anything stupid. I thought it was interesting that you lied...I do the same thing and I hate it. If i feel awkward, I always pretend I have to meet someone. A few times I've even pretended to talk to someone on my cell It's embarassing, but I hate to think people think I'm a loser. I've been especially lonely these past few days, so I've been posting on this forum a lot. Like you, I'm tired of being lonely. I just want to be like everyone else. Is it bad that I want to cry? Maybe we can help eachother through this.
Re: One more addition to your club
Collegekid, wow! I've done those things so many times as well!
I can't count how many times I've pretended to be busy, and the phone thing? I'm embarassed to say I've done it more times than I can count. In fact, I used on the bad day I mentioned above, which was my all time low. I had a conversation with myself for 45 minutes that day
Can you think of anything more pathetic?
I absolutely agree with you about feeling normal. And i guess both of us don't WANT to be lonely, unlike a lot of loners who prefer being alone. That makes everything else all the more harder when we're longing for company, or even a friend to call your own.
So I pushed away the only person who cares which only makes me more depressed.
It's embarassing, but I hate to think people think I'm a loser. I've been especially lonely these past few days, so I've been posting on this forum a lot. Like you, I'm tired of being lonely. I just want to be like everyone else. Is it bad that I want to cry? Maybe we can help eachother through this.
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