TWACK. The Remembrance was being boarded up by several men in conjunction with Lawrence Grimmel himself. Cleaned out was the supply room, the gallery the same empty white he had applied to the walls himself years ago. The big, open windows were boarded up individually, discouraging drifters and neighbor hood children from mischief. He still had the deed to the building and it would always remain in his possession, he intended to let no other have it. Perhaps he’d want to come home some day, perhaps he’d return to the White City but for now, the purity was just too much. The light was so bright it made him want to cry, or maybe it wasn’t the light, he didn’t really know. A small crowd had gathered around the gallery, murmurs passing softly from person to person as the gazed up at the spectacle. A buggy attached to a team of four black stallions, held all of the paintings he had produced since being here. Naturally, it was a custom to see large animals in the middle of the Genil streets and people wondered simply what was going on. “Did the Remembrance catch fire?” A man asked and got a short reply from his wife. No, no the building was fine, it was only its soul that had caught fire and exploded into the night.
TWACK. Lawrence wore his customary jeans, a white collared shirt, and a black buttoned blazer despite the heat. His shirt was tucked in to his jeans and held by his favorite low slung belt, a copper buckle sealing the deal. As he stood on the ladder, the world below him seemed far away, though he was only about ten feet above it. The air somehow seemed crisper, flatter up here, but he didn’t think much on it as he pulled back on the claw of the hammer, removing the nails that held up the sign lettered “REMEMBRANCE.” in serif letters. His eyes were dark as he moved down the ladder slowly, placing the sign in the cargo area behind the front bench seat, securing it so that it didn’t fall off during the voyage ahead. There would be no turning back after he was out of the city walls, determination had fused with the jealousy that rioted against his soul and his own self pity. The only available option was to leave it all behind and pretend to be someone else.
TWACK. Drive another nail into my coffin, if you please… Lawrence’s mind pealed, shouting out though his voice remained silent. A woman approached him, a hand extended, but as he ignored her, turning back to examine the front of the build. The doorway was still open and he approached it, removing the bells that had danced against the glass so many times before. The mere sound of them in his hand brought back the faces of each person that had walked through his door and though he tried to stop the flood of images, they came back hauntingly, making his insides tremble. Perhaps, after this, he would track down Madame Bella and visit with her again. After all, there was a pretty much free exchange between the darker cities and with his stallion, he could breach the distance from Anarab to Nureese in no time. Happy thoughts were beyond him though, only considerations that never ended well flowed in with the faces, an endless ebb that reminded him of all that he was losing and all that he had lost.
TWACK. A fresh beginning, god, he’d not desired that since before his death. A release from the world entirely had been sufficient after he murdered his father, killing himself only a year later. What made things worse was now that he had begun to side with Joseph, his ideals and everything else that had made him who he was running down the drain. If you couldn’t live your life through kindness, why not hurt people to protect yourself? Everyone was a threat because anyone could worm their way into your heart, your psyche. Lawrence laughed lowly as he passed through his doorway, the pause over, and examined the gallery. It was empty aside from two hammers and a thermos so he ignored them, running his hand over the counter as he passed it, the bells jangling with each of his steps.
TWACK. The sound was muffled now as he moved up the stairs to give a final glance to the room he’d called his true home for god knew how many years. He couldn’t remember a time where he’d felt like he belonged anywhere else and that in itself hurt. The fact that others could drive him from the city he’d loved mildly was amazing, but, it didn’t matter. It didn’t matter to anyone other than Lawrence and if he pretended like it didn’t, it couldn’t possibly hurt. So what if the methodology was warped? It worked for him and he intended to follow it through. As he glanced toward the place where his bed had been, an empty spot in the corner against the window, he remembered Chloe, then Chance, and let out a growl. They’d been nothing but open-handed harlots, giving out their womanly wiles to the next available man. The thought of Chance in someone else’s arms that morning sent a shot of adrenaline through his body and he felt as if he might tear out of his skin if he didn’t push it away. He pivoted, came down the stairs heavily and rushed out of the front door, almost tripping over a small child in his way. He stopped short, the bells crashing to the floor in an unharmonious heap. As he bent to pick them up, the girl gave him a guilty smile and proceeded to run the opposite direction. As much as it should have warmed his heart, he felt nothing but coldness in his veins. These people didn’t deserve to have to deal with the person he was now, they were too good, too kind.
TWACK. The final nail completed the boarding up process as the carpenters covered the front door with ply wood, barricading any entrance to the front door. The world around Lawrence rushed around him, the hum of voices and random other things not distracting him as he gazed up at the building, the two stories that had contained most of his adult life, the lonliness before knowing false-love nothing compared to the hole inside his soul now that he knew what it was to love and lose, and have even the possibility of staring anew ripped from him without a moment’s notice. At least he had returned five minutes after storming out of the gallery, at least he had come back through the doors to apologize to her profusely, to explain himself. She hadn’t come back, she hadn’t even given him a chance to get to know her or bothered to learn his middle name before screwing him. At least he’d had the courage to return, to try again, and she’d shunned him without words each time. What was the use in trying if one could never win? The hopelessness set in as he turned to check the team, walking in front of the horses and examining their bits, hating that he couldn’t control them all unless they had the things in their mouths. He’d be sure to never use the devices unless he was driving them as a team. Heavy heartedly, Lawrence turned back to look for the last time as the crew moved away, lowering dark sunglasses over his eyes as they turned red.
Well, Andrew had finally convinced her to go. It had taken him since mid may to do it, but she'd finally given in and gone to the studio. If anything, this would be the first time she had left the complex since arriving there.
Her day had started in the usual way. Andrew had knocked on her door asking if she would mind collecting some more sheets from 12F. As usual, she had done as told without a word. In fact, she hadn't said a word to anyone since that day Lawrence had left the flowers. She'd taken the sheets down to the laundry as ordered, but then Andrew had turned up again and told ehr what was happening at the gallery.
"You can't just let him leave Chance." he told her, "He deserves at least to know what happened."
Chance said nothing, transferring the sheets from one washer to the other. The first had broken down again.
"Chance!" Andrew had said, finally getting her attention.
She rubbed her large belly and shook her head. No, she wasn't going. If he wanted to leave, that was his own choice. She wouldn't stop him.
"Chance, you have to go!" Andrew had demanded and physically removed her from the laundry room.
He took her back to her apartment and pulled out a gorgeous floral petticoat dress for her to wear. And as much as she would protest, their man physically put the dress on her, brushed her hair and shoved her out of the door and into a taxi carriage. The man had planned this in detail.
The taxi arrived just as Lawrence was finishing stacking his own cart and Chance carefully hauled herself out and onto the street. Her long hair, longer now, bellowed out around her shoulders as she moved towards the crowd watching Lawrence pack up. Every fiber of her being told her she should leave. let him forget her, let him go, but her feet carried on walking her right towards him. Some of the crowd moved for her while she had to push past others. Most of them moved though, so she was thankful for that much. Both hands on her belly, she moved forward and finally spotted him. Lawrence. Her Lawrence. Not anymore.
At first, she lowered her head, wondering if he would just pass her by, but a sudden shove from behind made her stumble forward. She turned back to find a child playing chase through he crowds with a sibling or friend. There was no hiding now. She turned around quickly and suddenly slammed into something face first. She got a nasty knock to her bump as well and yelped in pain, a yelp that Lawrence would have recognized once, a long time ago.........
Edited by: Sethron at: 8/1/07 11:41 pm
Re: Never Look Back
The crowd was a dull lull around him, the voices all blending together until the artist heard a familiar yelp. As he turned, he caught the view of her slim back and long hair and immediately envisioned the arms of a shadowy man around her. His temper rose inside him, a furious flush rising to his cheeks merely because of his own malicious thoughts. Had he taken the time to figure things out, he would have realized that the men that owned the Bella View complex were in fact, not interested in women, even women as pretty as Chance. But jealous writhed within him, coiling up like a snake in his stomach and convincing him to strike. The anger gave him power, confidence, and the will to say something that would sting her as much as his insides burned with sadness. His eyes were still protected by the sunglasses as he turned to the horse and stroked its nose slightly, adjusting random things about its appearance. He spoke loudly, enough to draw attention and the crowd silenced itself.
“If you’re here to invite me to your wedding, unfortunately I won’t be in town for the grand event. Wedding bells are lost on me anyway.”
It hurt Lawrence immensely to think about yet another woman he could have loved truly one day being taken away from him. The thoughts of Chloe and Chance filled his head and he immediately began to super impose their actions upon one another, as if they were the same woman in different skins. The intentions of Chloe had been vastly different from those of Chance though, Chloe had wanted love so badly that she was willing to even betray someone who did love her. She was impatient, unable to weather the storm in order to find the feeling that made her heart soar. Chance, though, was young and confused and obviously head-over-hills in love with Lawrence, though he couldn’t see through his own painful stupor to see that. He could only see the hurt, never seeing the good, and for that reason, he simply couldn’t love.
“If you’re here for love, you should be. There’s nothing here for you, my love has been handed out and never returned until there’s absolutely nothing left inside me.”
The artist felt as if the world had gotten cold as he spoke, his insides freezing to the point of shattering. His stomach was clenched as if he was starving to death, as if he was searching for something to feed himself but had never found it. Angry tears welled up in his eyes behind the dark shaded glasses, and he clenched his hands, still looking at the horse, but never the woman he was addressing. The anger welled up in him as he looked at the situation based on the facts that he knew, what he’d been told by Aries, and the used feeling that quelled deep inside him. It burst forth with words he had only heard spoken by his father, a man he despised, and yet, that man’s blood ran through his veins.
“If you’re here to receive the payment that you didn’t get the night you whored yourself out to me, I’ve got plenty of that and more if it’ll make you simply leave me alone. You should have told me Serin raised prostitutes, that would have made things a lot easier to swallow.”
With that, Lawrence ripped a pouch of gold coins from his pockets, various trinkets from those from other cities who had paid them with it. The pouch opened quickly as he flung it at Chance’s feet, turning violently though his voice never rose above a soft, condescendingly conversational tone. The coins rolled along the white streets but the crowd made no effort to pick them up, staring in horrified amazement at the soft spoken artist.
Re: Never Look Back
The man that Chance bumped into apologized profusely to her and backed off again as the young woman yelped and then whimpered softly, but then her breath was caught as she heard Lawrence speak. The crowd around her backed off, leaving her truly open and vulnerable and she slowly turned about. He would not be there for her wedding? For the first time since May, she opened her mouth to speak.
"There is to be no wedding." She answered back, "Who would wish to marry a mistake?" Perhaps she shouldn't have said that. Then he carried on. There was no love for her there.
"I fathomed that much when you left me that day!" She almost yelled, "You dipped your wick and that was enough for you!" Still more words fell from his lips. He hadn't paid her for her charms.
Chance was speechless this time as a bag of coins and other trinkets rolled around her feet. She looked down briefly, then leaned down as best she could to pick up the bag. "Is that all you think I'm worth Lawrence Grimmel?" She asked, "Is that why you think I'm here?" Clearly, he did.
The crowd took another step back as Chance felt her anger rising, burning out of control. Suddenly, with a high scream, she threw the pouch back at him, "You egotistical, self centered, chauvinistic pig!" She screamed at him, tears streaming down her face as she trembled with rage. The pouch gone, she suddenly leaned down and picked up a pebble from eh street. That went flying at him also. "Why don't you turn around and face me Lawrence Grimmel?!" She yelled, "Why don't you turn around and see what our love created?! Look at me, you god damned coward!"
Whatever people had turned up to see what was happening had now doubled, wanting to see this tiny creature of a woman throw a true hissy-fit at her lover. Not to mention it seemed Lawrence Grimmel was a father. Chance ignored it all and suddenly leaned down to pick up another stone. "Look at me Lawrence!" She yelled again, "Look at the woman you put with child!" Then, she said something utterly beyond anyone's standing. A curse spoken in her native tongue, a language she hadn't spoken for a long time now. "Sienda!" She screamed, "Sienda ka mi busea." Another stone was hurled his way, "Don de silnsi farl!"..........
(translation, "Goddess! Goddess, I curse in your name! I curse this man!")
Edited by: Sethron at: 8/1/07 11:43 pm
Re: Never Look BackSo the day comes... Aries stood in the crowd, wrapped elegantly in a silken cloak. He'd regained his sanity, though not entirely his strength from feeding himself and watching the calendar carefully as it sped by his time on earth. Today, Lawrence would leave Genil, and Aries had every intention of following him.
He had known that a crowd would draw as his friend boarded up his studio, but he was not invited to help, and therefore, made no step to do so. His legs, for once in a long time, were clothed in pants, tight latex that barely hid him beneath a tunic that hanged around him, his chest revealed by its V-shaped, long and flowing neckline. His feet were bare but for some soft, silk slippers, because he couldn't stand to lift the weight of shoes anymore. It took so much effort. When first he saw her from the corner of his eye, he was startled. That she would show up, today of all days, was the epitome of ironies.
Aries heard the yelp, and watched the cruelty Lawrence aimed at her with no signs of remorse or love. Truly, he thought Lawrence cold. You're unfortunate for coming here--he doesn't even see you anymore. He chooses not to, and you are more the fool because of it. She had come, though, just as Lawrence had come to her.. but they both were greeted with something that was not fair. A one-sided image created in their mind.
The pouch, only half full, didn't quite hit Lawrence, instead swaying past his left leg in its odd trajectory... The first rock that left her hand seemed to simply miss, deflected to slide above Lawrence's head in it's passing as the blue star in the center of Aries' forehead glowed softly. Even that, though, tired him, and he desired not to do it again. The crowd backed up, leaving him at the front line now, instead of the center. A clear sight to Lawrence and his fighting, pregnant woman.
His lashes fell, willing the ache in the back of his descending mind to go away... She screamed--the crowd responded with mutters, angry murmurs that would mark the smearing of Lawrence's name. And Aries eyes opened again, the last straw marked with the next rock as it slung at him. In the quaking breaths of her curse, a language deciphered by the tongues spell that was always in effect on him by his horn, Aries was in front of Lawrence, catching the rock from the air as it flew.
His dead, gray eyes looked blind to anyone who wasn't paying attention to the fact that they focused perfectly on her. "You..." the burning agony ripped through his skull again, but he didn't move or even blink, "... should go home now." He dropped the rock at her feet. "You risk your child... causing yourself such... distress..." He was breathing unevenly. The sickness had crawled down his legs from his abdomen, eating away at him as it spread.
"... You're not... changing... anything.. just hurting yourself... and you... have already caused enough pain to Lawrence... and you... for your immaturity... so go...." His eyes were level, and soft.. not the same hatred he bore for her the day he'd last seen her. He was too tired... he just wanted her to leave Lawrence in peace... leave herself in peace, "Home."
Re: Never Look Back
The insults bounced off of him as easily as the emptied pouch did, falling to the ground around him, almost as if there was a boundary around him that couldn’t be touched. The words didn’t sting, was it truly bad to be self-centered? Was it truly bad to value his own heart over the feelings of others who would hide from him for six months, would use him, would slander his name even though he’d tried so hard to make things right? She had cut him off at every entrance, immediately shacking up with another man that she found more worthy than him, perhaps she was even playing off of his generosity as well! Lawrence felt his entire body go aflame as she spoken in some forgotten language he couldn’t understand. The words were clear enough for him to understand and sparked something within him.
“I put you with child? I! One night, when all of the others were spent with the other man who held you so closely? It is good that I never saw his face, for it might disgust me as much as yours does now! You come here to pin the blame on me in all selfishness, though you’ve found another willing to be that child’s father. Does he know you’ve come here today? Even if that .. That thing inside you is a part of me, you’ve already replaced me as its father with another man.”
Lawrence had swung around, his mouth an angry, hard line as he yelled at the woman. Though he yelled, thoughts came back to him of what Aries had declared. The times matched up, he was the child’s father, but his own pride wouldn’t let the emotion that welled inside him get the better of this argument. Would the baby be a girl or a boy? If he touched her stomach, could he feel it move? Had she been pleased to know that they’d created this together? Lawrence felt sick inside, utterly sick, as his mind wanted to say one thing, but anger forced him to forget it. With a glance at his friend, he immediately wanted to protect Aries, to find him somewhere to sit before the frail creature collapsed. Instead, he placed a hand on the unicorn’s shoulder and gently moved him from in front of him, to approach the screaming harpy on the other side. He couldn’t afford for a rock to be launched at the dying man, he wouldn’t be sane if she’d hurt him accidentally.
“Don’t baby her, Aries. She will not move from this spot until I’m finished saying what I have to say to her. She needs to know what it is to be a woman and not a child. A woman,”
Lawrence pronounced the word “woman” emphatically as he stared down at her, their bodies nearly touching, her rounded stomach close to his thin and growing thinner hips.
“A woman would have had the courage to inform me that I was going to be a father, that I should at least provide monetary support for the baby or for her healthcare. A woman wouldn’t have run away from mere words spoken to her if she truly loved a man. A woman wouldn’t have immediately fallen into the arms of another man. A woman wouldn’t be throwing rocks in the middle of a street to get her voice heard. This… What you have done, Chance, was child’s play and I have no desire to be a lover or a friend of a child in a woman’s body.”
Lawrence stalked away from her, all of his joints singing with the sheet anger of the moment. With one solid movement, he scooped up the fragile bones that Aries was barely bound within and placed him on the seat of the buggy. The sight of the unicorn’s dull eyes made him want to run and bury his head under something until the world faded away. Lawrence Grimmel was suffering from grief of a funeral that had not yet happened but would be perfectly unavoidable. He wanted to sob, felt the feeling overcome him, but stopped. Men don’t cry, at least not where others can see him. His voice was solid, even, as he spoke the next few words, though his soul was in utter chaos.
“I will set up a bank account for you and your child here in Genil and it will provide an easy life for both of you, including the money to pay your rent to your lover. At least now, you can attempt to be an honest woman.”
Re: Never Look Back
"Another man? Another man?!" Chance screamed, "You accuse me of bedding with another?! How dare you!" She stood her ground, nose to nose with him. "Andrew Harrison happens to be married already, to another man! You stupid fool! How dare you tarnish me that way! How dare you say such things to me!"
As for her not going to see him sooner, well, that was her own fault, but, Aries had his part in that too. "Perhaps you should ask your friend there why I have never come round here!" She yelled, pointing her finger at the clearly dying unicorn, "Oh he was very quick to warn me off! And I don't give two hoots how ill he is in body! His mind was sickened a long time ago! And you call me a child?!"
Chance started to go dizzy with eh anger in her, the pure primal rage of being so badly dismissed like this, "You, who could not even bear to look at me after you;d had your way with me! You, that couldn't even take back those hurtful words you said to me! You, who left em there in my grief alone! Of course I ran away Lawrence! Never once in my life have I ever been called a mistake! And believe me, I've been called much over the years! And then! Then!.... That... thing you call friend.... turns up out of the blue... and... and...." Something was hurting, but she wasn't so sure what.
It started in her back and then slowly moved round her bump and back again. "You keep your dirty money!" She yelled suddenly, "You keep your money for your true whores! and leave me out of it! You don't deserve..... you don't....." The world went black.
Chance collapsed in a heap, quickly surrounded by concerned people that stared at her, glared at him, then stared at her some more. This whole thing had been a mess since the beginning, that much was clear. Chance was dimly aware that someone was calling for a doctor, but that was all. The rest of the world had simply gone.........
Edited by: Sethron at: 8/1/07 11:45 pm
Re: Never Look Back
The world moved quickly around him, the incapacitated Chance being taken off to a clinic for tests to be run as Lawrence moved back and forth between thoughts in a daze. Married to another man? It was almost as if the idea didn’t click quite right. Acting like a ghost within his own soul, he completed the rest of the things that were required to embark on his empty journey. A glance toward Aries told him that he couldn’t simply leave the poor thing here in Genil. With a shrug, he gave a soft command to the team of horses and they began to move slowly toward the south, steadily, as if they didn’t want to clear the city walls either. He pulled the buggy to a stop out side of the Bella View Apartment complex and stalked toward the front desk, his entire demeanor demanding respect. Not necessarily kindness, but respect. He spoke to the younger man there, he assumed the lover of the owner and gave him the numbers to a vault that was to be used for Chance and the child, even if the stubborn girl was against it. As he spoke to Mike, he gave him an address for correspondence, an address at the Island Oasis Hotel in Anarab, Floor seven , Suite 3. The look in Lawrence’s eyes convinced the younger of the two owners of the Bella View to agree to help him, and as he left, the anger was beginning to subside, replaced only with horrible guilt and fear for the future. The carriage moved onward until it hit the city gates where two soldiers opened the enormous marble doors only wide enough to provide him passage.
What had begun at daybreak was now done and noon, the Remembrance cold and empty against the Genilian skyline. The mountains themselves that the city was nestled on top of stayed strong and silent despite the rapid amount of movement against them, the pounding of feet as people ran down city streets. The summer day was beautiful, though those experiencing it couldn’t truly appreciate it because they were all wrapped up in the trials and tribulations of everyday life. Such was the curse of humanity, no, not of humanity, of all living things. Animals would fight for territory as humans guarded their precious emotions as the gods watched over it all, bickering amongst themselves. Life as a whole is selfish, with self-perseverance as the guiding force. Rare is it to find a single soul that lives only for someone else and sad is it to see such a soul die without so much as a fight.
Tears welled in Lawrence’s eyes, uncertainty flooring him entirely. Quietly, a whisper left his hoarse throat as Genil passed behind him, only a straight row of pink flowering trees on either side of him.
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