It was my fault, pure and simple
I thought I would post the problems I had with money and debt first to give you an idea of what I'm trying to achieve with this question.
It would be easy to blame my parents or the school system for not teaching me what I needed to know to avoid abusing my debt. But, I knew instinctively that the way I was going about it was wrong and I did it anyway.
I wanted what I wanted now. I didn't want to wait until I got the money. It was much easier to get a loan or use my credit cards.
You would have thought that having to file bankruptcy in 1970 would have taught me a lesson but it wasn't a year until I was back to the same tricks.
I really hated the bill collectors calling to tell me that they needed their money now. I actually blamed them for wanting their money, when I told them I didn't have it. If caller ID had been available then, I would have never even spoke to them at all.
There were a few circumstances that caused some of the problem. My daughter was born two months early and had to spend 7 weeks in the hospital. Since my insurance didn't cover her until she was 11 days old, I was responsible for the entire hospital bill.
It wasn't until I was about 32 years old that it really hit me that something had to be done. We had been transferred to Norfolk, VA and had to live in off-base housing. We actually had more money coming out that we had coming in, and that didn't include groceries. I was lucky enought to get a second job to help buy groceries.
That's when I knew I had to do something. I contacted out bill collectors ask for their help. All but one agreed to put off out payments for 3 months which was just enough time for us to get into government housing and cut our expenses drastically.
With a set budget and bill organizer we were able to make ends meet but it took about 3 years to really feel secure.
Who is at fault? I am of course! But that didn't matter in the end, we finally worked our way out.
Money problems have lurked in my shadows for awhile. When I was younger, and discovered credit cards, I used them way more than I needed to or should. Then came marriage, to a man who had never lived away from his parents. With his excellant credit, and our two incomes, I hoped to better my own credit, by being a second user on his cards. That was a gross misjudgement on my part. Although we didn't need them, he thought it was "cool" to have the gas cards, and the firestone, and the department store cards, and not one, but several Visa cards. And he used them proudly to buy "stuff" to show he was "out on his own, and loving it". We even bought a 44 acre farm. With the farm came tractors, and horses, and other stuff.
Fast forward now, to the divorce, where I was expected to pay off half of everything, even though his income was over double, what mine was, and even though most purchases made, were made by him, not me.
My credit standing grew considerably worse during this time.
Then my mother died.
I was the executor, of an estate that consisted of a modular home, on an acre of land, a Ford Taurus, a small life insurance policy, lots and lots of medical bills, and a few credit cards. I hired a lawyer, to help me do what I didn't know, and he told me I had to completely pay off ALL my mom's debts. I also had to refinance her home in order to get it into my name, as well as all utilities, deposits, etc. She had left the house, and everything else to me in the will, but for some reason, I had to get a loan in my name, and with my already bad credit, the interest rate was really high. I was given only thirty days to accomplish all this, or the lawyer said I would have to sell my mother's home, which I was living in at the time. Needless to say, every credit problem I had was immediately put on the back burner, so that I could stay in the house.
I have been told by quite a few people, that this lawyer screwed me ('scuse my french), and that I was not liable for any of my mom's bills, and that he did things in a way that he shouldn't have. Oh, and he also charged me $3000.000, which he required immediately.
After all that excitement, I went to the hospital for a test, and was admitted immediately, and had emergency surgery. I was in the hospital for two weeks...out of work for three months, and even though I had insurance, the bills were exhorbitant.
Pretty bad sob story, huh?
The only reason I share so much is to let everybody know, that not all credit problems are caused by overspending, or stupidity. Sometimes life just comes at you like a concrete block in the gut.
I am STILL trying to repair my credit. I don't make much money, so I always utilize my tax refunds to pay off debts. Sometimes though, a roof is needed, or car repairs, or something that makes you take those two steps back again.
In an attempt to get all creditors off my back, I did refinace and consolidate all my bills. The interest rate is high, but the one payment is easier to make, and my credit score has apparently already improved a bit. It's up for review in April of 2007. If my credit score has improved, they will again refinance at a lower rate for me.
Re: It was my fault, pure and simple
We were a one income family in a little frame house & were raising two children & very happy. Then, we decided to buy a bigger house & my daughter started college. I decided to go to work to help pay college expenses. My mother told me not to go back to work because you start depending on the money but I scoffed at the idea. I had never worked before so I did have trouble adjusting to less hours to do things at home. Well, my daughter graduated & my son did not finish. We started acquiring debt which we had not had before when I was a SAHM. Now, 14 years later I have to work & hate it. I bought a lot of things that were not necessary as the grandkids came along which they could benefit so much more if I was at home & could really not be so tired all the time. It seems I did everthing backwards. Most people go into debt when they are young but I handled things better when I was young & did not have to work. I cannot take advantage of so many sales & plan more form scratch because I simply do not have the time. However, I am trying to start the new budget system of Grandpa Terry's to see where I can improve my money situation. If you are not in debt do not go into debt because it is difficult to get off this merry go round with so much of your payments going to interest. You cannot take advantage of sales etc because you have to make these payments & they can raise your interest rate at will. I just get so angry at myself because I know better but it just sort of snowballs before you know it. You go into debt for something you think you want & poof the washer or refrigerator breaks & you are on your way to misery!
debt responsibility
My dh and I are both responsible for our debt problems. He will say it is my fault, i spend too much on groceries and necessities (although i buy the cheapest I can), and he spends too much going thru mcd's for brkfst cause he doesnt like to cook before he goes to work, among other things that I feel can wait.
sallysara
Unregistered User
(6/4/06 2:33 pm) Reply
debts
Wow. I wish I knew who to blame. Probably the government for not having a national health program.
My husband has had three separate cancers. The total so far is about half a million for doctor/hospital bills. We have twins in college (state school), but the tuition has gone up yearly. We took out a parent loan for them as they were too young to get one in their own names and have interest payments (yes, they are low) that are not deferred. With housing, gas, utilities, and food, there is very little to pay off debts.
We work hard, do not take vacations, do not go out, eat at home and are in debt. I figure we will die with all these debts.
Re: My debts my fault
We started out our marriage living on $400 a month. Not enough to cover all expenses so used credit. Long story short we got into so much debt keeping up with the Jones. We learned our lesson and now we are almost debt free.
Edited by: Deborito at: 6/4/06 7:32 pm
Re: My debts my fault
If I had enough of these stories I would put them together in a book. Then I would try to make it mandatory reading for everyone from 10 to 90.
Just these few posts prove that sometimes you can control your money and sometimes it controls you. The better prepared you are the better you will be able to manage it. But in some cases there is absolutely no way to prepare for what happens.
It's too bad that we can't get this point across to our young people and warn them about what's ahead. I guess I was warned, but like everything else I was taught, it went in one ear and out the other.
I'm going to really push this forum in the newsletter and see if we can't get more people giving their stories. I believe it will help us all.
Re: My debts my fault
I know all our current debt problem is my fault. In the past, I could have blamed it on my husband's job situation, (he was a coal miner and had frequent layoffs). So we did use credit cards a lot when the kids were little and all at home. School clothes and shoes, groceries, things like that. Now, all but one child has moved out and I don't have an excuse. My husband has a regular , good paying job in a family run business. But instead of paying off bills, I have been on a spending spree that has us up to our eyeballs again. Yes, we did need some repairs on the house, and yes I did need some of the stuff I bought, but I should have found another way.
The good news (if you want to call it that ) is that I recently maxed out the last credit card, so it is pay the piper time. The cards have been destroyed, all but the one I am going to save and pay off for emergencies. I am ready to start on a plan to repay all this mess and to get us in better shape. BTW, we are not kids, we are both in our 50's. Sad, huh?
Re: It was my fault, pure and simple
My dive into debt was my fault, at least 50% of it. I was 21 years old when I married a man with a spending style completely opposite from mine. Of course, I didn't know what his financial mindset was before I married him. Turns out I was into saving money and living within our means, he liked living the high life "champagne taste on a beer pocketbook" as my mom would say! I had no idea how horrible he was with money until a few years into our marriage.
When we were young newlyweds, he discovered that he could buy even more goodies with the addition of my full time paycheck. He liked driving new cars every 2 years, buying all the latest electronics, all the latest videos and laser discs (pre DVD days), going to the movies, eating out all the time, that sort of stuff. I made the mistake of letting him be "in charge" of the checkbook and I never had any idea how much money was in our joint checking account or what the monthly credit card payments were, or even how much we had charged on them. Bounced checks, over-the-limit credit card accounts, terrible loan terms on our autos.
Our money issue was just one of many things that led to the demise of our 7 year marriage. Most of my credit was tied into his, and I was fearful to default on the debt with my name on the shared credit cards, so I ended up single in 1992 with 10K in credit card debts and a $386/month car lease on a newer but real piece of junk car (Found On the Road Dead) on my salary that was less than half of his salary. Thankfully, we had no children -- what a blessing that was in many ways. I had to work a second night time job for many years to pay my "share" of the debt and qualify for credit in my name alone. It was rough, but somehow I managed to avoid the whole debt collector nightmare and established my own good credit and pay for a college education. Along the way, I educated myself about money and learned to be a better consumer, to be more responsible and pay more attention to how the money world goes 'round.
I am remarried to a man that has good sense about money, he's a "cash and carry" guy and together we are virtually debt free. He has had his own money nightmare story to tell. We use credit cards wisely, paying them in full each month, we have a few bucks in savings for emergencies and we only owe a truck payment at 4.25% that will be paid off in 2 years instead of 5.
Oh, and that piece of junk car that my ex-husband stuck me with? I was told that I had to keep it for 1.5 years until the end of its stinky lease or pay penalties. When the lease was finally up and the car was practically towed back to the dealer spewing steam from its hoses, I bought a new 1994 Honda in my own name, and I am still driving it with 132,000 miles on the odometer. My husband, a.k.a "MacGyver" keeps it running like new and says that we'll keep it until the tranny goes! Even then he says it will be cheaper to put in a new engine rather than commit to another car payment.
So, that's my story in a nutshell. What did I learn the most? That you have to be in control of your finances, and not turn it over to someone who is not fiscally responsible.
How we got into debt
My husband's and my debt is the result of many things.
One factor is my father-in-law; despite being a banker, he has very bad financial habits and was/is in business with my husband (not at the bank). I wish I would have realized, before we got married, how dysfunctional and enmeshed their situation was, and insisted their business partnership be in WRITING. Unfortunately this never happened, and through the years FIL has "forced" my husband to take out several loans for things my husband was not in the least bit responsible for. My husband was not strong enough to refuse to do this.
Personally, I contributed to our debt by putting things on credit cards. My husband's business income is not consistent throughout the year; the fall is a big time for income, while the summer is a very slow time. For several years I put a laptop computer I "had" to have, supplies for a home business selling cosmetics, airplane tickets to visit my parents, and other big and small things on my credit card, with his assurance that he would pay for the items after a big sale. Obviously, this did not happen.
My husband contributed to our problem because he never learned good financial habits. His father's "example" consisted of constantly putting off bills, then trying to talk the contractor or business partner down in price. If that didn't work, he just took out another loan. My husband did not keep track of committments he made to buy things related to his business; that is how his area of business works (on someone's word, and by a handshake, nothing written) so he didn't keep track of how much he had spent. It was always more than he expected, so at sale time, there were always too many places for the money to go. Credit cards were the easiest to put off . . .
Right now we have realized what a tight spot we are in. I am totally committed to getting "my" debts paid. I realize all of the debts are "our" debts, but I am not sure my husband takes the situation as seriously as I do or realizes the sacrifices he/I/we need to make to get out of our debt. I do, so am paying off my credit card debts. I am organizing the bills (he works 12-16 hrs./day and has no time or patience for paperwork) and will work with him to get "our" bills under control also.
I have been a mostly SAHM for many years. This spring I made the difficult decision to go back to at least part-time work. Our children are teen-agers, which definitely does NOT mean they don't need me, but means I can be gone and they can take care of themselves. THey also work many hours with my husband. I am fortunate enough to be a nurse, so my options are many. I was blessed to find a job doing private duty nursing, meaning hours and days are somewhat flexible. I recently had the opportunity to begin working more hours than I originally planned, but I work only 7 miles from home, 7AM-NOON. Perfect hours for our family! I am putting every cent I can toward debt, but that is not as much as I had hoped, as I feel an obligation to help with the groceries now that I am employed and it's such a slow time for my husband's business.
My words of wisdom for others; do NOT get married to someone who has not "cut the apron strings" with his or her parents, especially if they have a business together, until things are very, very clear as to who pays what, etc. Do NOT put things on credit cards with the "hope" to pay them off later. And if you have to work, look for an option that works for your family. I live in a very rural area and this opportunity came at the perfect time. God is watching for our family!
Re: It was my fault, pure and simple
I could blame our debt problems on my husband's chronic illness. But, we both had bad habits early on that exacerbated the problem.
For one thing, we both generally spent every red cent as quickly as possible. We didn't save... except my husband always liked the idea of investing. But that has only meant we've had to clean out mutual funds when something came up.
It's only been in the past few years that it's dawned on me that I could actually save up for things like annual car registration, vacation, etc. - that I should budget for such savings instead of seeing whether I had any money left to save at the end of the month. Yeah right!
In the past I always sort of crossed my fingers and hoped the car wouldn't break down, no one would get sick, etc. I remember breaking down in tears once over having to replace a $40 alternator. How much less stressful it is to set it aside ahead of time.
We are still struggling with my husband's medical bills, though. I need to budget $300 a month for meds, $50 or more a month for doctor visits (that covers my annual visit too), and $400 a month to cover the insurance deductible and annual out-of-pocket maximum - because it finally dawned on me that he blows through both every year, and it's not reasonable to hope maybe THIS year he won't.
But I'm already behind on that. His employment has been really spotty because he keeps losing jobs over being sick. He's pursued SSDI disability, but no go so far. He's had a new medical problem crop up just recently though, so maybe he can get on disability now. Meanwhile, though, he can't work and it all depends on my income.
Still, I have money in savings for now and I've learned some tools... just gotta regroup.
It sounds like many of us are on the right track. We have to "Just Keep on Keeping On..." one of my favorite lines from Matthew McConaughey's character in the film "Dazed and Confused".
Edited by: Kittysan2000 at: 6/13/06 7:38 pm
The cards have been destroyed, all but the one I am going to save and pay off for emergencies. I am ready to start on a plan to repay all this mess and to get us in better shape. BTW, we are not kids, we are both in our 50's. Sad, huh?
Email This To a Friend
Topic Commands
Click to receive email notification of replies 
Click to stop receiving email notification of replies