Don't ever lie to mom!
John invited his mother over for dinner.
During the meal his mother couldn't help noticing how beautiful John's roommate Julie was.
She had long been suspicious of a relationship between John and his roommate and this only made her more
curious. Over the course of the evening, while watching the two interact, she started to wonder if there was more between John and the roommate than met the eye.
Reading his mom's thoughts, John volunteered, "I know what you must be thinking, but I assure you, Julie and I are just roommates."
About a week later, Julie came to John and said, "Ever since your mother came to dinner, I've been unable to find the beautiful gravy ladle. You don't suppose she took it, do you?"
John said, "Well, I doubt it, but I'll write her a letter just to be sure."
So, he sat down and wrote, "Dear Mother, I'm not saying you 'did' take a gravy ladle from my house, and I'm not saying you 'did not' take a gravy ladle. But, the fact remains that one has been missing ever since you were here for dinner."
Several days later, John received a letter from his mother which read:
"Dear Son, I'm not saying that you 'do' sleep with Julie, and I'm not saying that you 'do not' sleep with Julie. But, the fact remains that if she was sleeping in her own bed, she would have found the gravy ladle by now.
Love, Mom.
Co-Founder, The Order of the Silver Hand Asherons Call
Asherons Call 2 Dark Age of Camelot Shadowbane Anarchy Online www.orderofthesilverhand.com
Three blokes enter a disabled swimming contest. The first has no arms, the second no legs, and the third has no body, just a head. They all line up, the whistle blows and "splash" they're all in the pool. The guy with no arms takes the lead instantly, but the guy with no legs is closing fast. The head sank straight to the bottom.
Ten lengths later and the guy with no legs finishes first. He can still see bubbles coming from the bottom of the pool, so he decides he had better dive down to rescue the head guy. He picks up the head, swims back up to the surface and places the head at the side of the pool, where-upon the head starts coughing and spluttering.
Eventually the head catches his breath and shouts, "Three @#%$ years I've spent learning to swim with my ears. Then five seconds before the whistle, some bastard puts a swimming cap on me."
Re: Don't ever lie to mom!
Guy walks in to a pub in Ireland and orders 3 pints of Guinness. The barmaid promptly tells the him the third will be flat before he gets to it. He tells the barmaid "No this one is for me those 2 are for my bothers in America and Japan, I take a drink form each to remember them. The maid says okay then and walks away. 6 months later everyone in the pub knows the guys story, the day he came in and ordered 2 pints the pub fell silent. The barmaind tells him "my condolences on your loss" he looks at her puzzled and ask My Loss?" She replied "one of you brothers pass?" He say "no its nothing like that, I quit drinking"
Dashek R5 Scout
Dasek 29 Thief
Aars 21 Assassin
Long live the 3 Nekkid Scouts and the Hot Elf Chick in studded leather armor
Re: Don't ever lie to mom!
So, Bubba and his friends are going hunting. They walk to the hunting lodge and bed for the night. Bubba goes to his favorite spot behind some brush, overlooking a meadow.
He is only there for 5 minutes when the largest bear he has ever seen rolls over the hill toward him. He lowers his site, boom, when the smoke clears, no bear??
Bubba has 3 taps on his shoulder, turns to see the bear who says,"That as not nice, I should eat you for that!! But,you have 2 choices, either I eat you or I have my way with you.
Well..
That night at the lodge, he gets the biggest gun with the best scope, goes out the next morning. Waits and 1/2 hour later he comes the bear. He lowers the barrell, fires, blam. The smoke clears and no bear. Three taps, bear says, " you know the drill"
Well..
Bubba is really pissed now. Walks past the lodge and into Bubbas Army and Navy Store and buys a rocket propelled grenade launcher. Next day at his favorite spot, he is there an hour and getting agitated even more. Well, here comes the bear. With a grin of excitement, he lowers the rpg at him, lets lose, trees, dirt, grass, brush all fly into the air. When the smoke clears, no bear????
Three taps to the shoulder, Bubba turns around, the bear says,
"you didn't come here for the huntin, did you"?
Re: Don't ever lie to mom!
A man has spent many days crossing the desert without water. His camel dies of thirst. He's crawling through the sands, certain that he has breathed his last, when all of a sudden he sees an object sticking out of the sand several yards ahead of him. He crawls to the object, pulls it out of the sand, and discovers what looks to be an old brief case. He opens it and out pops a genie....
But this is no ordinary genie. He is wearing an IRS ID badge and dull gray suit. There's a calculator in his pocket. He has a pencil tucked behind one ear.
"Well, kid," says the genie.
"You know how it works. You have three wishes."
"I'm not falling for this," says the man. "I'm not going to trust an IRS agent."
"What do you have to lose? You've got no transportation, and It looks like you're a goner anyway!"
The man thinks about this for a minute, and decides that the genie is right.
"OK, I wish I were in a lush oasis with plentiful food and drink."
***POOF*** The man finds himself in the most beautiful oasis he has ever seen. And he is surrounded with jugs of wine and platters of delicacies.
"OK, kid, what's your second wish."
"My second wish is that I were rich beyond my wildest dreams."
***POOF*** The man finds himself surrounded by treasure chests filled with rare gold coins and precious gems.
"OK, kid, you have just one more wish. Better make it a good one!"
After thinking for a few minutes, the man says: "I wish that no matter where I go beautiful women will want and need me."
***POOF***
He is turned into a tampon.
The moral of the story?
If the IRS offers you anything, there's going to be a string attached.
Morbid Crescent
40 - Prelate
Smartest Dwarf on Ice Island (140INT)
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