12 ways you know your blind date is going badly
12. If you notice your date appears to be talking to her soup when answering questions. She also keeps calling you freddy when you told her three times your name is John. +
11. She has bruises all over her legs from bumping into things. (get it? blind- literally, sigh.)
10. Everytime you bring up a strong point about yourself she tells you her various ex's (and names them) had the same traits.
9. Shes wearing an orange jumpsuit and has a tattoo of a naked woman on her arm. When she flexes it appears like the tat is dancing- and it amuses her- still- after having it for 10 years.
9. Her bulge is bigger than yours.
8. She orders the most expensive bottle of wine in the joint and vomits all over the waiter after downing the whole thing in approximately 6 secinds.
7. You ask her about previous relationships and she shows you the scars. She isn't upset about them as they were made during sex, on purpose.
6. She shows you her family tree and it looks like a braided ficus.
5. She has more fingers than teeth.
4. After you kiss her goodnight she tells you her Daddy does it better.
3. Everything about her reminds you of a Jeff Foxworthy joke.
2. She tells you that she isn't looking for a long term relationship and that her and her significant other just want to have a baby and they chose your sperm.
1. She stabs you in the throat with a salad fork just to see your reaction.
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